I made a dress for Hudaa the other day and despite the very wobbly and uneven seams, crooked pleats, and shoddy workmanship in general, I was so happy and proud of myself. It’s been a looooong time since I felt that way. A lot of people replied to my ig story post and it got me thinking, and I suddenly had an epiphany moment.

My epiphany moment was this:

I’m more of a crafts person rather than an arts person.

Hand-on creating physical useable things. I have always liked arts and crafts. I distinctly remember in kindergarten really wanting to play in the “woodworking tools” section but never getting assigned there (got the painting station, which was 2nd best). Then in primary school I would look forward to kemahiran hidup when we’d go to the bengkel. I loved sewing little outfits for my dolls, and even sewed a bag for myself out of some scrap fabric I had lying around. I liked art too – drawing and painting felt good and I was moderately good at it – but for some reason I was never satisfied with my work, and I oftentimes didn’t finish any pieces I was working on as a result. Also it was way too easy to have sever inferiority complex when looking at other people’s art.

My fav subject in high school was woodshop, and even though I also took an art elective, my fav module in that class were the ones that were more…physical. Like linocut printmaking, collage making, etc. I adored making pop-up cards for friends and family. I loved trying new things; in uni I tried crocheting and knitting, and after uni in my whovian days I sewed a tardis pencil box for myself. Whenever people buy Ikea furniture I jump at the opportunity to put it together.

Obviously these are all very small projects for people who are serious crafters, but for someone who never really knew why she just could not get into art this was a huge awakening.

I’m trying to think of why I prefer crafts. I think its because art is too abstract, too personal, too emotional for me. It feels like you need to have your head in the clouds for a lot of the time. It is deep and subjective and the end product is usually just something pretty. Working with my hands means I know what I’m trying to do, I can construct the product in my mind and reverse engineer how to make it. I can do trial and error and experiment and modify. And at the end of it, I have something tangible. It feels much more ‘real’.

So with this realisation, I have a new resolution. I want to be crafty starting now! That means I want to get back into knitting/crocheting and actually make something me or my ids can use. I want to try my hand at linocut prints again. Get back into bookbinding. I want to sew more. I want to MAKE.

Week 19

Shafiq flew off to Bromo this morning for a 4 day bro-trip. After sending him to the KTM station I went back home and decided to make myself breakfast. Boiled the water for some oats and while trying to reach something in the overhead cupboard my thigh accidentally hit the boiling kettle. Ouch. Now i have thing angry deep red burn on my thigh :/

Then while cleaning out a thermos I decided to rinse it with hot water (I tend to do that a lot. Germs. yuck) I started to shake the closed thermos but I guess the lid wasn’t secure so hot water kinda spewed everywhere. Good thing it was in a very fine spray so I didn’t get burned twice in the same morning =.=

I seem to be getting clumsier by the day. Dropped my phone a few days ago and the screen cracked. A few weeks ago things kept on slipping through my fingers. Pills, rings, glasses, you name it. I think it has to do with the amount of lotions and oils I’ve been slathering all over myself.

Today you moved around a lot in the afternoon. Maybe you miss your daddy as much as I do :'(

Car-karaoke + scatterbrained kinda day

Today while driving ABBA’s Chiquitita came on and i started singing along but ended up almost crying. like seriously. I think its such a touching song. And singing along to ABBA is always, always fun.

then otw back i had a very scary panic attack because i couldnt find my parked car even though i was sure i parked right by the exit. walked around and around frantically for almost 15 minutes and was almost in tears when i decided to re-enter the building and try to calm down and gather my thoughts and trace my steps and it turns out i was on the wrong floor.
back in the car i was still recovering from the panic so i turned on the radio and sang along to imogen heap and michael buble which helped me calm down a bit then michael jackson came on and of course singing along to beat it and billie jean – how can you not feel awesome singing along to those?

Reflections Pt2

Its already the second half of the year! Eep! Ramadhan is coming in a month and i really want to make the most out of it this time. I felt like last ramadhan i let a lot of opportunities slip by and even tho part of it was me being busy with work, it was also just me not trying hard enough. I dont want to do that again. Which is why i’m considering quitting my job. I already know i want to stop this year, its just a mette rof when. if i get accepted into any of the local universities (Insah’Alllah), then i will start my semester in September. And i do want a break before joining, so august would be a perfect time for me to uit. I can focus on ramadhan, have my holiday, adn be refereshed, hopefully, for  scholarly life once more. I;m still undecided tho, mostly because i havent received any offers from the local Uni’s i applied to. Really hoping they will get back to me asap so i can formally submit my resignation. Tried mentioning it to one of my bosses today but he didnt seem to understand and said it would be better to wait for offers. Thing is i have to give one months notice, so that means if i want to be off work in august, i have to submit my resignation NOW. we’ll see how that goes. Insha’Allah i will have decided by the end of this week.