The holidays are finally here, after a grueling semester that for some has not even finished yet. This semester, I’ve gone out on the proverbial limb and trusted people for the first time in a very long time. I suppose it started from the second semester in my 2nd year, where I settled into the studio groove more (due, in part, to working drawing), or maybe during the short semester, where I had multi-disciplinary project with my juniors. It out me in a new situation where I didn’t know anyone but I didn’t feel intimidated by them as much as I felt intimidated by my own batch back when I was a freshie. I don’t know where this new found ability to trust came from. Maybe it was the long hours we spent cooped up in the same space, maybe it was the long conversations, the observations, being comfortable in their presence. Maybe, architecture students just tend to do that more. I don’t know. But it seems logical. After all, we see the best and the worst in people here, in all stages of their daily life, from looking like hell to looking sharp, moody to elation, etc etc. we’re there morning, day, and night, hours and hours on end, through thick and thin. Maybe that’s where trust stems from. I would never have imagined ever telling anybody anything remotely private. Noncommittal ambiguity was my modus operandi. But people are curious beings, and people look for comfort in others. And I can see the difference, or rather, I can feel the difference. I was quite uptight in my first year, scared, cautious, distanced, and really quite alone. Now I think I’m a lot more relaxed. But I don’t know if that’s an entirely good thing. After all, limits are limits and trust is easily destroyed. It’s hard for me to trust people just because I’m afraid they’d break my trust. I don’t know. I just hope I’ve trusted the right people. Wallahualam.

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