Beginning of the end

*brushes aside cobwebs and dust*

I suddenly feel like blogging again. I probably won’t but it’s just a feeling. It’s the final stretch of my Final Semester of my Final year in B. Arch, 3 more weeks till I have to submit my design thesis. I’m nowhere near done and I don’t know if I will be come the 16th of May. In all honesty I should be working on it now but today has not been a good day.

I woke up late because last night I was up till quite late, trying to get a chapter written, and then my friend pinged me on gtalk and we talked about River and the Ponds and how complicated river’s timeline is.

River Song and the Doctor’s Timeline
L=R: Rory, Amy, Doctor, River

Didn’t really help that I was woken up in the middle of the night by my mom asking me where my brother’s overalls were. (?)

Woke up proper and found out our last kitten got hit by a car and had died.


That’s probably why I don’t feel like doing any work. My thesis is about animal welfare, but all our cats keep dying. Makes me feel like a phony.

In an attempt to make my life more interesting and to take my mind of Things, my weekends have been pretty packed as of late. Hanging out with friends, playing games, cooking, climbing up Tabur, white-water rafting, karaoke, concert-going and movie watching. It’s been fun, but at the same time, once the weekends are over, I sink back into stress and depression. it’s been getting slightly better but things happen and it triggers all the emo switches.

Beach and ikan bakar outing with the girls at bagan lalang

kfc and egg sandwich picnic. L-R: Nadiah, Ilham, Aziza, Hannat

watching the sunset then praying on the beach 🙂

Pies are quite leceh to make but very delicious. In conjunction with Pi-day (March 14th) Kd, Muz, Nirman and I baked some pies. the Tomyam chicken pot pie was especially tasty. we also made banana-mango pie and lemon cheese pie. recipes were taken from various online sources and tweaked.

If you’ve never played rockband, I think you definitely should. it’s a lot of fun and good for stamina and dexterity lol. I was terrible at drums but I think I did ok for a beginner on the bass..

Subuh on one weekend a bunch of friends and myself made our way up Bukit Tabur a.k.a the dinosaur in my backyard. this was my second time up and it was a lot of fun. It was great to be able to organize it and ajak my friends along too. Will definitely go again.

ulu kelang dam from one of the peaks
Me and Yang the trooper 🙂

I dont have a fear of heights but i admit, gayat sikit duduk sini

Photo by Umar Mita

After the descent from Tabur, went for some eats then got home and popped right back out again to make my way to KL Central where me, Ilham, Aziza and Hannat drank obscenely priced coffee at the Hilton cafe and Ilham casually asked Nick Carter for a quick photo like he was our friend or something. Then we dashed off to KLCC for the Twin Towers Alive 2013 concert and to fulfill our adolescent dreams. BSB were A M A Z I N G obviously, but what really surprised me was the number of males in the audience. I’d have thought it would be full of screaming fangirls, but about half the crowd were guys.


shockresistant7's BSBTTLive2013 album on Photobucket

Went white water rafting with Ilham and Nadiah in Slim River, Perak. It wasn’t as challenging as I thought it’d be, and I came out of the 3 hour session not really tired. It was a whole bunch of fun though, would definitely recommend it although it’s a bit pricey at rm180 per person..

one of the stops along the way
Nadiah and I

At a hot spring we stopped by otw back. L-R: Sian Tze, Ilham, Me, K.Nini, Nadiah

after the last crit session Mye, Jedot, Mimi and myself drove off to Danau for some stress relief in karaoke. the place was super cheap but it was still ok. I didn’t sing too much firstly because I needed to save my voice for Sunday and secondly because I didn’t know half the songs they picked. aheh. the next Sunday I went for karaoke again, this time with ilham, hannat, aziza and nadiah at redbox in pavilion. a lot nicer and fancier but also much more expensive. they had a buffet which was good, and we were there for 4 hours singing our hearts out. It was actually a surprise birthday party for aziza, which I forgot about and was taken by surprise when a birthday song started playing all of a sudden and some guy brought in a cake. Loads of fun.

Its election season now

The mysterious land of tears

written on the 25th of June 2011

Yesterday night i watched Pheobe in wonderland, thinking it was going to be a happy and whimsical movie. It wasnt. not to say it wasn’t good, but i cried a lot watching it. A lot of emotion in that one, or stuff that i could somehow relate to. There was a scene where Pheobe’s mother goes on this outburst. i didnt cry at that part but it was startling how much i could relate to her. not what she was saying, because a lot of it was about motherhood, but how she was feeling. because she’d feel something and that would cause a domino effect of contradicting feelings. And thats what i go through a lot. Another thing is that elle fanning is very very talented. its a good movie, not excellent, but subtle. if you have the chance you must watch it

I remember watching an episode of glee, and crying at one scene. it sounds silly even as i say it but it was the scene where Artie and Brittany broke up. I cried because of what artie said, and then because of what he called brittany. but mostly it was what he said, about not being able to handle not being her everything.

one of our kittens died last week, oreo. i found out as i was leaving the house to go watch super 8. we came home and buried it under a palm tree in front of our house, next to mocha’s grave. All our other cats attended the funeral and were meowing. it broke my heart again. today i found out that cookie died, from my brother’s tweet. i cried. and then i went and asked muhsin if he already buried her, and he said, yea, he buried her and poodle. and i couldnt take it. i cried some more. and i could tell muhsin had been crying as well and it broke my heart. he was the one who nursed the kittens, brought them to the vet, fed them and cared for them the most. and on his birthday, two of his little babies pass away. :'(

its sadder than when mocha died because mocha got hit by a car, there was nothing we couldve done to prevent that, except lock him up, but that would be cruel. but for the kitties, we were all so busy so we couldnt care for them as well as we should have, they were sick, and quite thin. we didnt do enough for them. we didnt love them enough. we failed. I failed. and it breaks my heart that the cats have to stay outside because i can tell they miss us, and they want to be petted and hugged like they used to. but they arent.

I can’t stand not being enough. I hate being a dissapointment.

sometimes i repeat a phrase over and over in my head and sometimes i even mumble them quietly. today i spent a whole 5 minutes saying “toomuchdeathtoomuchdeathtoomuchdeathtoomuchdeathtoomuchdeathtoomuchdeath”
and sometimes my reflections talk to me. well its really just my head but today all the mirrors told me “you’re not good enough. just not good enough”

I’m thawing out slowly, but sometimes i forget that feelings come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and forms. but the Happy more than makes up for the sad.