Today in the Kaed Musolla Zalikha told me that a lot of people say I’m unnaturally, weirdly quiet. To which, she replied “Biarlah…!” (thanks Za)
I know I’m quiet. Unnaturally? Maybe sometimes. Ok, maybe more than sometimes. But thats just one part of a million-faceted MH.
First, there are language barriers. I’m not naturally conversant, even less so when I speak Malay. Very the kekok. The number of times my name would have been up on the ‘bolog’ would be embarrassing. Thankfully I don’t speak that much, no one notices, or even if they do, they don’t put me up. not that I would care lol.
But in my Presentation skills class, I’m more talkative. Perhaps its because my very bubbly friend Sumeyra is with me, perhaps its because its presentation skills after all. Perhaps its because I know that these people don’t know me, they don’t have any assumptions as to how and who I am. For all they know, I could be a foul-mouthed chatterbox (hopefully i’m not) I’m in with a (relatively) clean canvas for others to paint on.
Then my family know me, how I’m like at home. My sister once told her friends that I’m actually very crazy.weird at home and I like to make nonsensical blurbs. They, of course, wouldn’t believe it. I doubt anyone would, because no one except my family sees it. Even my family doesn’t see it all. When I was a little girl my mother tells me I was always bubbling around asking questions non-stop about everything under the sun. When people asked me how come I changed, i answer “I came to Malaysia.” That may sound snooty and stuff but what I mean is when I moved back here, I didn’t speak Malay. So therefore I didn’t speak. And truth be told – I remember that even when I was in Canada I was still shy. At least at school. I guess when I came back home i went question-berserk to make up for my keeping mum during school
So yeah – I’m weird. And before, I used to mind it terribly. After all, I was always the outcast – the weird one out. But now I don’t mind. Its liberating.
I’ve become a studio rat (to my standards) all my free time is spent in the studio – so far its been wrking drawings, site analysis and precedent studies.